Hello, and welcome. This page is dedicated to a fairly in-depth mathematical view of teh Pr0n. We will embark on a fascinating and eye-grabbing journey that will grab your undivided attention and help you learn math. This is - the Math of Porn Page. If you aren't old enough to know what porn is, have sand in your crotch, or otherwise don't want a frank discussion of this, go back to playing World of Warcraft. Otherwise, click this sentence to bring up the images and begin.

Now, let us first begin with a simple example regarding hard disk storage. This will explain why hard drive makes are pushing so hard to find new technologies to make them bigger. Consider the question of storing all the pictures of tits you could ever want. We shall take as our given that there are roughly 8 billion people on earth. Now, we know that there is a more or less even split between women and men. This means that it is entirely reasonable to come to the conclusion that there are 4 billion women on Earth. Now, we know that roughly 20% of these women are too young for anyone to be taking pictures of their breasts (Pedos not withstanding, but God willing they will all suffer Total Existance Failure, or just FOAD), which none the less leaves 3.2 billion women whose tits we most likely DO want pictures of. Of course, we do not want the same number of pictures of all possible tits. Consider the most interesting example on the left, to which one might conceivably dedicate an entire subdirectory of storage. There are also cases of tits of which one most likely does not want any pictures. For example, one's pants will likely be calmed by conjuring a mental image of a nursing home. Once you get over the shock of realizing that you were thinking of your great-aunt Thelma while you had a boner, consider the statistical function necessary to solve the conundrum of how much storage is needed to store all the boobie pictures, the average.

This function works by taking the summation of all the individual discrete values, and dividing by the number of values summed (Compare to the Calculus average of 1/(B-A) of the integral from A to B of f(x)). In this case, the discrete values are the number of tit pictures we want of each woman, and the number to divide by is the aforementioned figure of 3.2 billion. Because it would take a long time to do this, and I do not happen to have in my immediate posession the mathematical distribution function of tit-photogenicity (No, not even a mu or a sigma, I'm afraid), I am forced to rely on the word of a reliable source (An anonymous poster on the technology forum Slashdot a few years back) that we want an average of ten pictures of each pair of hooters. Thus, a simple multiplication allows the determination with high certainty that we have, facing us, the requirement to store 32 billion images of mammaries.

Now that we know the number of fun-pillow pics (N_fp), we must consider the magnitude of the storage space required to safely contain each image. For various reasons, not the least of which is that whenever I'm trying to make cartoon porn I am reminded of how much the Gimp's edge detection routines hate jpeg compression, we find it desirable to store the images in a lossless format. Naturally, we also want to be able to give a detailed inspection to all of these eye magnets, which implies a good resolution. I shall here take that to be 1024x1024 pixels; Those lucky few who happen to be in a position to use one of IBM's T-220 liquid crystal monitors may disagree as to what constitutes a good resolution, however since the T-220 in question is most likely installed in a hospital for use in medical imaging applications, they shouldn't be watching porn on it anyway. Unless one considers mammograms to be porn, which (judging by what the Internets say) indicates statistically significant overlap between this group and the censorware company dipshits who block access to breast cancer research websites as smut. Rather, back to the topic at hand: How many disk drives to hold all the boobies. Taking a sampling of images stored on my computer in .png format (which I must confess have nothing to do with porn, being of my own hand-printed photographs and generally of a landscape inclination, and in grayscale), I surmize that one full-color, one-megapixel image of breasts (S_fp= Size of Fun-bag Picture)will occupy one megabyte. This is in keeping with the general ability of the portable network graphics algorithm to acheive compression of roughly 3:1 on non-contrived images at best quality.

So, what does all this mean? Well, consider our previously calculated values for N_fp, which we have every reason to believe equal to 32 billion, and S_fp which we just found equal to one megabyte, and I believe you shall find yourself of accord when I conclude that our storage requirements lie in the range of approximately 30 petabytes to hold the requisite amount of data. Naturally, we do not want to lose any of these precious artistic photographs, and thus we will use a data error-checking algorithm to provide certain safe storage, at the expense of doubling our drive outlay to 60 petabytes. It is with great sorrow that I must convey the fact that no current data storage system, let alone one which does not involve a warehouse, is presently up to storing this much data (let alone permitting real-time access to all the boob shots). Although there are several supercomputer storage systems with secondary memory capacities reaching into the low petabytes, you can't get one through the door. Creating a system with the ability to store all this porno would be a daunting task. Currently, the largest hard drives have a capacity of roughly one terabyte. Within a few years, Hitachi has announced it's intention to commercialize a new recording technology to create a standard-form-factor drive that can hold 30 terabytes (See, I told you they were bolding thrusting into unexplored areas). Even with this advancement, we face the task of hooking 2000 of these drives together.

The Ultimate Porn Archive System. We have determined the need to serially connect two thousand high capacity Hitachi drives to provide sufficient storage for all our images of double air bags. It is generally accepted that a cheap SATA motherboard can connect up to six drives onto each of it's two SATA busses, which implies 12 drives per board. The drives, the motherboard, and a power supply could be integrated into a standard small computer box, with an anticipated power draw of roughly 400 watts (12 drives * 25W/drive + 100W for the mtherboard systems and cooling). 23 of these might be hooked into a standard 24-port ethernet switch (with the 24th connection going to another switch). Logically, it should therefore be possible to place 2000 drives onto one subnetwork using 8 first-level switches, which would in turn be plugged into a master porn server. The installation of Linux on all 180 or so computers involved would be a trifling task, especially for one who intends to take an average of ten photos of almost every pair of breasts in the world. After spending the time to become an NFS grandmaster, having each system export it's NFS and instructing the master server to present them to it's user as one vast collective be equally trifling.

For his troubles, our intrepid super-fapper would be satisfied indeed. Armed with his new uber-drive, as well as the immortality vaccine, which (once again) would have proven a minor task in the preperation of 30 billion porn images, he would have the ability to jerk his gherkin to one hundred new pairs of breasts (Not one hundred pictures, but one hundred distinct sets of knockers) ten times per day, every single day, until the sun dawns some time in the middle of the year 10768AD. There are of course countless things that could go both horribly wrong and wonderfully right with this scheme. The MTBF of modern hard drives implies that the backup systems will most certainly be required, as will be continuous replacement of components. I estimate, given a MTBF of 2 years, the replacement of a malfunctioning disk every 8 hours, for example. A nuclear war some time in the intervening 8761.1225 years during which our intrepid stud will be fapping ten times per day will also cause a serious bad day. It is also possible however that there will be a technological singularity of some sort, and he will end up in the "brain in a vat" scheme, being fed images directly and at a vastly accelerated rate. Who knows. All that is certain is that having enough pictures of all the boobies would keep us men occupied for a very long time.

Now, of course, those who wish to on occasion fap to something other than breasts will be pleased to know that a similar situation involving long calculations and a massive array of redundant disks can be worked out for vast repositories of images of the vagina and of the female form in general, with limits imposed only by the number of combinations desired. It is also possible that the development of the database system necessary to control access to 32 billion entries in real time across 276 computers spanning 8 subnetworks of storage machines may prove to be so time-consuming that there will be no spare time to polish any knobs, let alone at the pace necessary to reach exhaustion by the specified summer of 10768AD.

This was only a simple introduction to Pornomathography, which is a diverse area of mathematical study covering numerous other topics: Factorial math, combinatorials, energy efficiency, alternative energy, and more.

Now that we've seen what an enormous